Former mistress offers women her top tips to spot if partner is having an affair

gREVEALEDDIANA APPLEYARD27 Nov 2019, 21:17Updated: 28 Nov 2019, 8:46LIPSTICK on his collar is now old hat when it comes to spotting a clue that your man is having an affair — instead, keep an eye on his music downloads.Former mistress Clare Oke-Smith reckons a sudden change in favourite bands is one of the textbook new red flags.6Duped…Clare Oke-Smith started the romance after she was told her lover’s marriage was overCredit: ArrayAnd she has a special reason for wanting Sun readers to know exactly what to look out for.She still suffers terrible shame for letting herself be “duped” into an affair with a married father-of-two because of the hurt she caused his unsuspecting wife.So the 29-year-old is now sharing all the ways she noticed her lover was behaving while trying to woo her and cover up his affair to his wife.Clare fell for the handsome love rat after he convinced her that his marriage was over.She said: “I never thought that I would become a mistress — I hate the idea of taking another woman’s husband.“I was effectively conned into becoming the lover of a married man.“I believe men cheat because they reach a stage where they wonder if that is all there is and want to test their manhood.6Insight…The former mistress believes men cheat to test their manhoodCredit: ArrayTHE TEN SIGNS HE IS STRAYING1. LATE NIGHTSA big pointer is if your partner is staying up well after you have gone to bed.It’s easy to FaceTime or Skype a lover in the early hours, while the family is safely asleep in bed.2. MYSTERY SPENDINGIf your other half has taken out a new credit card without mentioning it to you, this is a red flag.Look out for the bills arriving which are immediately spirited away.Or if you see new plastic appear in his wallet keep your wits about you – it may have an online statement you can’t see.Likewise, another big clue is mysterious big-money purchases appearing on bank statements.If he wasn’t with you splashing the cash, the question is: who was he with?3. CHANGING TASTESIf your beau is suddenly interested in new music and downloading tunes from bands he had never heard of before, be alert.This influence may be coming from someone whose opinion he values, and who he is desperate to impress.4. TECH SECRECYIf your other half hides their phone or laptop from you, or locks it with a new code this may be cause for concern.5. SARCASMI learned from overhearing calls that when a person is lying they have very little time to make up a story.Sarcasm is one way to bluster through explanations. Wise-crack answers may mean you are being lied to.6. MORE TIME BEING SPENT WITH FEMALE CO-WORKERSpending more time than usual with a woman from work, chatting to her online or arranging work trips in which she is always a part, is a red flag.This is how my lover covered up many of his liaisons with me.7. NEW MANNERISMSUsing new phrases, trendy slang or mannerisms is a big clue.If they’re spending time with a younger woman they’ll subconsciously pick up many on-trend expressions they never used before.8. BECOMING A PEACOCKTaking more pride in their appearance, buying new clothes, dieting or becoming very keen on visiting the gym is a classic sign of philandering.They thought they were good enough for you before, so why are they having doubts now?Could there be someone want to impress?9. SEX LIFE LOSING ITS SPARKLEMost men, no matter how duplicitous, find it hard to sleep with two women at the same time.It takes an awful lot of energy and planning so your love life will suffer if you are living with a cheat.10. EMOTIONAL DISTANCEIf his eye is wandering your partner may stop letting you in on their plans, or being evasive about things like booking holidays or days out.“It’s a cliche, but it’s often part of a mid-life crisis — they think they will regain their youth by bedding a younger woman.“I think married men often search for women who seem vulnerable, because this makes them more susceptible to their charm.“Often they are going through a period of stress or even depression, and feel they need to bring excitement into their life.”He spent £3,000 on me on just one night outShe continued: “I have made a promise to myself, I will never be a mistress again, as my relationship with a married man ended very badly and left me both depressed and ill, with my self-confidence shattered.“I’m just glad I can help other women spot the warning signs.”The online PA, who lives in New Cross, South East London, first met Jeremy (not his real name) when he hired her to work for him.Clare said: “We met in October 2013.“He contacted me over email to say he wanted to hire me as an online PA for a music management business.“There was a picture of me on my agency profile and I now suspect that was what attracted him.“At the time I was lonely and vulnerable, having just come out of a relationship.“He was 35, very confident and seemed successful.“He sent me work but we became more chatty.“After a couple of months he suggested we meet, and said he wou

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