I Am A Man After God’s Own Heart

Why do I want to be a man after God’s own heart?

The why is so important in everything we choose to do or pursue.

It’s the why that wakes us when we don’t want to wake up. It’s the why that makes us go to work. It’s the why that makes us excel at work. It’s the why that empowers us to do another rep, take another step, paddle another stroke.

The why.

Why do I want to be a man after God’s own heart? I ask myself again.

Because God deserves it.

Because he deserves my very best. Because he is the very best and I cannot go into his temple–whatever that temple looks like today (could it be stepping into life itself? I wonder.)–empty handed.

And what better to hold in my hand, when going into the presence of God, than my life? My life lived dedicated to being a man after God’s own heart?

Judgement.

It’s coming. We all will give an account.

At least that’s how I see it. You may not. Good for you. Perhaps you won’t see judgement.

But I will.

I know it like the air I breathe. Like the food I taste. Like the steps I take that vibrate up my leg and resonate in my ears.

There will be judgement.

I will stand before my Maker.

I will have to give an account for what I did, what I did with what he gave me.

I have no defense on that day.

No wonder I need a Savior. No wonder I need a lawyer. No wonder I need someone to stand on my behalf between me and a perfect God.

So, as I imagine, I will be called into the presence of God Almighty himself one day.

That’s thinking rather highly of myself, isn’t it? To be worthy to stand in the presence of God.

But I believe it will happen.

And I’ll have to speak up for myself.

The first words out of my mouth: “Lord, be merciful to me because I’m a sinner.”

If I have the presence of mind to say anything at all.

“What did you do with what I gave you?” He’ll ask.

And this is where it gets really dicey for me. Because I used to live that “Christian” life and I did all those things a Christian was supposed to do. Deacon. Teacher. Warrior of God’s Word. And I raised kids. And I loved a woman. And I went to Church. And I… yeah.

But now it’s the later years.

And I look back at all that and I can’t deny the taste of sawdust in my mouth.

I know what the apostle Paul means when he said:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

–Philippians 3;7-11

Yes, Paul, I know exactly what you mean.

Interesting side note: “For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish.”

You want to know what the literal translation is for “count them as rubbish”?

I count them as shit.

All that. All that I tried to live to define me. All that good I tried to do. All of it. Shit.

I’m just a simple man.

With a simple plea.

I want to know Christ. I want to gain Christ. I want to know his resurrection. Share in his sufferings. Gain his resurrection.

So, today, I walk by faith. And I believe in God’s mercy. That’s it. That’s all I got.

And every day, I get up wanting to be a man after God’s own heart.

To be the very best that I can be, knowing that I’ve got to walk by faith. And I’ve got to believe in God’s mercy. Because everything else in this life is no more than shit.

Paul said it first, not me.

I believe Paul’s right these days.

I want to know Christ.

I want to gain Christ.

I want to know his resurrection.

Share in his sufferings.

Gain his resurrection.

Because everything else is shit.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

So, the good Lord willing, I will get up. I will take another step. I will go into the temple of God, which in my opinion is this life I lead, and I will suit up with the armor of wanting to be a man after God’s own heart.

To do the absolute very best I can… as a man.

To walk by faith. To believe in God’s mercy.

And hope and pray for the best.

Will I fail today?

You betcha.

Will I fail tomorrow?

If I get a tomorrow, probably.

And, if there is Lord willing a day after tomorrow, I will get up again and I will try to be a man after God’s own heart.

Like King David.

A sinner.

Walking by faith. Believing in God’s mercy.

Until the day when I won’t get out of bed.

Take another step.

Breathe another breath.

That’s my Why.

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