The Journey Day 171 05.30.20

Day 26 of the second #90DB. August 2, 2020 is the goal to complete this period.

4:27 AM — Listening to and reporting on the talk inside of my head this morning:

So what else has kept me from posting on a regular basis?

I tried a relationship.

It didn’t go well.

I explained to her up front: “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for a new spouse. I’m not looking for anything but good conversation.”

We didn’t listen.

It didn’t end well.

And that’s my fault.

I fucked up another relationship.

A lot of shit came flooding back into my life. A lot of shit that has no place in my life anymore.

A lot of shit that killed the first relationship.

A lot of shit that was going to make this new relationship die on the vine.

It wasn’t her fault.

It was mine.

A beautiful woman that didn’t deserve that.

FUCK.

So I broke it off.

Before she was hurt even more.

FUCK.

I suck at life.

But I’m going to get better. Starting today.

Back to some 75HARD-ish ways.

Back to just me.

Back to fighting back against the shit that’s in my head.

FUCK.

The last thing I wanted to do re-entering the dating pool was to hurt someone.

Failed.

I broke the heart of a lovely woman and that may scar me for life.

FUCK.

Back to ground zero.

Here we go….

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